Strong People: Finding the Value in Self Care

Self Care...

A topic of discussion typically only among the weak or misguided in life right? Wrong. Too many times have I heard "strong people" make mention of "sucking it up", "just doing it" and "grinding 24/7/365". My goal today is to help you draw an educated conclusion on practices of self care, how to integrate self care into your hectic schedule, and help you find the value.

 

Afterall, the way you care about yourself will flow in to the way others believe you care about them...

What is Self Care?

When many think of self care, they think of luxuries or pampering. While luxuries and pampering may sometimes play a role in self care, it is necessary to realize that luxury will not help you long term and is only a temporary relief.

In my research, I found two definitions of self care that I most associate my own persoanl care with:

• " One’s understanding and behavior that helps to build a healthy mind, body and spirit for himself and others."  - Mark Gibson MA, CSMC

• "Self care is personal health maintenance. It is any activity of an individual, family or community, with the intention of improving or restoring health, or treating or preventing disease."

• I was personally taught that for women self care meant getting your hair done, nails done, massages or other luxuries of indulgence; while for men self care meant time away from the kids, a six pack of beer, blasting music in the car, and watching ESPN. You know, just "not caring for awhile". Well, self care is just the opposite of not caring - it's caring! While there is not necessarily anything wrong with indulging from time to time in luxury, or "lazy activities", it is important to recognize that these behaviors are not self care behaviors. Which leads me to my next point of interest...

How Do We Practice Self Care & What Are Considerations?

• Set a Focus - First and foremost,  you must set a focus for yourself. You are using your self care time to focus on your specific needs. What is it that's bothering you? Stressing you out? What needs to be addressed? Is it primarily physical pains, emotional pain or just recurring stress that keep running through your mind? Depending on your needs and priority, you will then determine your self care practice. For instance, if your body is aching perhaps your self care if yoga. On the other hand if your entire life seems to play in fast forward, maybe you just need silence.

• Timing - It's imporant to make self-care a priority, not optional. Choose a daily time to practice your self-care and plan accordingly. Self care is just that - by yourself!

• Location - Your location should be serene and free of distractions. Turn your cell phone on silent, and eliminate interruptions. If you're practicing self care admist chaos, you will not reap the benefits. Choose your room, car, a park or any place you are free from others.

• Prayer / Meditation - Allow yourself quite time to be with your thoughts, reflect on your day and allow your own spiritual growth to flourish. This may mean prayer, meditation, mental training techniques or simple silence.

• Exercise / Physical Activity - Exercise and moving is a great way to preserve your temple, get your endorphins flowing, feel good, and develop confidence in yourself both internally and externally. However in excess, some of us (I have been guilty!), spend ALL of our self care in the gym. This can lead to unhealthy mental behaviors especially in a hectic schedule. Yes, I am a Personal Trainer who said spending ALL of your alone time in the gym can potentially be unhealthy long-term. It is extremely important to find a balance of hard work, and true rest.

• Affirmations / Goal Setting - This is a great way to affirm within your being exactly WHO YOU ARE. This practice can be great in helping you determine your imbalances, as well as staying focused on the positive. Setting aside time for your goals, visions, dreams and building confidence on a mental level will help you feel better about all aspects of your life.

• Read / Write - Anything of your choice. Studying an area of passion or interest can also be a self care practice. Reading or writing can also help you feel connected with something marvelous; while being disengaged from the world your perceive around you. You can explore new thought processes and ideas for yourself, or just simply relax.

I hope you can realize that strength comes from disciplining yourself enough to listen to not just the chaos, but also the silence...

Remember! No one else will want to care for you unless you care for yourself. In the same light, you cannot care rightfully for another if you don't first take care of yourself!

Living: Dreams, Purpose, Calling (A Tribute to T.O.)

L I V I N G


Just a simple thing filled with much complexity.

We live in pursuit of becoming whomever it is that we're meant to be, and we set goals in order to progress to another level. These are called our dreams.

Some of us know our calling from the time we can think, others of us discover our calling through processes and exeriences of hardships, and losses. Some of us never even get the chance... Or maybe we do, but we just wait too long to bless others with our gifts. Our lifespan is unknown, so we must make the best of each and every day. Through recent loss of my friend today, I believe that my calling is to connect and communicate with people to serve them in love through inspiration. This is the purpose of this blog...

Today's Story:

Through several series of events seemingly unrelatable (but all too connected), I have been affirmed of my purpose and calling. That is, to inspire and to love on people. In the last  24 hours, two of my close friends have lost their dearest friends, and I have also lost my friend.

Through heartache, I have realized the innate confusion of death and desire for love. Every single one of us desires to know our purpose. When death strikes, the question of reality, afterlife, and purpose resignates. As we grieve, we realize that not only is life a process, but so is death.

In experiencing these two deaths I have closer bonded with the best friends of these two young men whom are my friends that I absolutely love. TO (who you read about in my last blog), lost his battle to cancer today. The other young man, 30 years old also, was murdered in his home. Both tragic and piercing to the core. I have seen first hand the toll it's taken on the best friends of these men - my friends. In a desperate yearning to be there and take away some pain, it has been made clear to me that we are all interconnected for a greater purpose.

As humans, we have a strong desire for connections with others, and usually experience our strongest connections in the roughest of times. When we connect we learn the dreams of others and are able to develop a passion to carry on their name and legacy. Through loss comes a burning desire fueled by pain to "do something".

The point? Your life matters. Every connection you welcome, every time you outwardly communicate a goal, every attempt toward success, every person you reach out to, everything that you give back -  it all matters. BUT there is more than that. Just because you are pursuing your dreams and work toward a goal does not mean that you're living. To live doesn't mean that you're alive.

What are your connections? Your experiences? What are you going to do with them? Don't sit around "bored" with your life. And, do not sit around wasting your health! If you are healthy it is a gift. My friend T.O. fought every day for years to regain health. Do not waste your body with poisons, toxins and addictions. Whether it's food or drugs or alcohol. Take care of yourself the best you can.  Your body is a temple. There is someone fighting for their life right now wishing they had the opportunity that you have to get out and make a difference. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally in the lives of others.

There are people losing their battles. DEATH - something we have not experienced so it is scary. Not only is it scary, but it is also certain. At some point, we will all experience it. My friend TO did today, and his connection with everyone who knew him was so strong, that a little bit of each person died with him too... I see a burning fire that is ready to explode and help others suffering. All suffering are about to find a way to keep his legacy alive & spread his life message. He made sure his life meant something to others. It certainly meant something to me.

T.O. had the ability to connect with others he barely knew to help leave a positive impact in their lives. He benefited nothing from this except that it was just in his nature to care for others. Even while he was the one struggling, he offered care and support to others needing encouragement. To me, he offered not only kind words, love and support, but also connections with others. The loss of him today is bittersweet. His physical suffering is now over, and his spirit is free. Yet, the ones who loved him will miss him very dearly. While we do not understand the purpose behind his death at a young age, we do understand his message. I speak for myself, and all of his friends and family that will be using his legacy to make a difference for others suffering. When lived right, one life affects many.

 "You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough!"

- Eric Thomas (aka ET the Hip Hop Preacher)

Do not wait. Live your life as if it means something, and take your connections seriously. Reach out in love and be there for those who need it. MAKE YOUR LIFE COUNT.




Follow Up / Action

TO's website to give is still active to support his family with outstanding medical bills. Please share and give as your heart is convicted of. I also ask that you continue prayer for his family.

Direct Links:

Edgar Ter-Oganessian  "T.O." - Gone but not Forgotten (GIVE FORWARD) 

T.0. Video Clip: Using Social Media to Pay Medical Bills

Former FSU Lineman Battles Cancer

Two Former College Football Players Unite Through Shared Rare Cancer

Dying to Live: A Published Article on T.O. in Progressive Greek Magazine

FACEBOOK : Friends Against Cancer

"My life life might be cut short but, damn... I lived! And hot damn Im living! It's an art"

-Edgar Ter-Oganessian "T.O."

(as quoted by a close friend)



Development : It NEVER Stops

Today I was coached by a person of greater success then I on things that I need to work on in the way I document my business. I couldn't help to feel not only held accountable for my work, but also inspired by the blunt nature of the approach this person took. I was not discouraged by the coaching, but rather encouraged  because I know I am heading for the next level.

You see, even if you are recognized as "the best" at what you do, or in your current position, being the best does absolutely nothing to ensure you remain the best. You see, greatness is a process. Greatness is NOT a desitination.

 

Development is the main course of action taken toward any form of success or greatness. Without active development, thoughts and ideas are irrelevant. It is necessary to continue development, education, and becoming an overall better person if you wish to have a competitive edge or respected position.

So what are some things you must focus on during development?

• Goal acheivement

Obviously, you must first have goals in order to acheive them. So go write out your professional goals, and develop an action plan on how to acheive them.

• Organization

If you wish to reference improvements and measure success you must be organized. Being organized, despite popular belief, is a skill not a personality trait. Get yourself organized and streamlines to easily navigate your must-haves for your processes of your development stages.

• Time Management

This is key. If you mismanage your time, you will never be able to complete your tasks or properly prioritize your scheduling. Get yourself a calendar, and schedule in all of your weekly priorities first. Thereafter, you can schedule in lesser priortiy tasks. This is a sure-fire way to make time for your development in an unchaotic manner.

• Paying Attention to Tedious Details

Details are the trace elements that are essential for professional development, and most often overlooked. In any profession, documentation is a great example of how we measure successes, trends, statistics, and overall progress. Documentation is essential.

• Education

This is a no brainer. If you are not educated in your profession, you will not be respected. Educate yourself as much as possible to ensure success of you and your team.

• Perfect Practice!

We all make mistakes along the way, but with proper time management, organization, paid attention, and goals in mind we can begin to practice our profession in a perfect manner. Every single action we experience should serve to be perfect and contributory.

"If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?"

Health: Some Have to Fight

HEALTH & RESOURCES

Let Your Light Shine in the Darkness

Today's blog is inspired by many things, but specifically the people in my life who I have witnessed fighting the battle for their health. Some of us (myself included), tend to complain or get discouraged when we do not get the result that we want in the gym, with our diet, or if we don't make the cut for an athletic program we hoped for.

Today, I was given perspective. As I woke on this Sunday morning I received an email from a friend who has been in the hospital for days. He has been in partial remission from cancer, but now is facing his worst nightmare all over again. Cancer in the chest. This young man has dreams of helping others, even while he is the one in need of help.

A few moments later, I looked at my cell phone messages and saw a message from a friend & former client who is locally in the hospital with pneumonia and wanting my help to regain health when he gets out. Unfortunately, his liver enzymes are high for unknown reason and he is again staying another night in the hospital until doctors can help him.

All of this has me thinking about taking our health for granted. We tend to make light of our health, and talk about it like we'll always have it. But, these men have shown me otherwise today.

As many of you know, last year I created a website for another friend battling cancer stage IIIC ovarian cancer who was able to have surgeries, and is now in remission when she was told she would be dead by now thanks to the support of friends and even strangers. I knew I was helping, but I had no idea how much I could help another's life until I was in the position to make decisions for her.

It is easy to lose sight of health from a perspective of simple survival and quality of life until we don't have it, or have close one's who lose it. I urge you to consider your current state of health! Are you taking care of yourself and doing everything that you can to prevent illness? If so, are you blessed enough to share your knowledge, outlook and resources with someone else who is struggling with their health?

Our health is a gift, and never gauranteed. I believe it is our job to share our knowledge and resources with others struggling. This is why I have chosen my profession as not just a motivator, but also a teacher and encourager to people who are down and out. I am not just a Personal Trainer. I am a human being, a friend, and someone with a desire to help others.  Are you too?

If you can relate to this blog, please, take a look at my friend's website who is currently fighting for his life and send hugs, notes and if possible donations. If his story touches your heart, I encourage you to share his site with others who may have resources to assist. Assistance is not just financial, but is also emotional, and mental too. If you know of anyone who can help in any way, please share. The site manager is Junior Bernadin & there is a contact box to message him on this site.

I have provided the link below.


Edgar Ter-Oganessian "T.O."- Cancer Treatment  

“Health is like money, we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it.”  ~Josh Billings






Update:

For those interested in Cecilia's wesbite and her follow up status here is the link to her story

Cecilia Patterson, Everything to Live For - Ovarian Cancer


The Challenge: Ourselves and Others

The truth of the matter is that we will all face challenges in our professional and personal lives. We must find strength and confidence within ourselves to face the challenges, and overcome them if we want to progress to the top!

This blog is inpsired by my recent challenges in my personal and professional life. I have been given challenges that I have had to work hard to overcome, and find the strength to endure! The strength has come through taking risks, putting myself in uncomfortable positions, and listening to the criticism of those around me. I have learned a lot and want to share my insight with those experiencing any challenges!

Last weekend, I went out of town to Sacramento, California for Les Mills BodyPump training. I left right after the work week, and checked in to my hotel to work some more. I traveled with an awesome co-worker who is also a long-term personal friend. Before I even left, I found myself feeling so overwhelmed that I found myself in a negative state of mind, stressed out and dreading spending the weekend with my male co-worker/friend in the same hotel room with no breathing space.  Afterall, we had only a week to memorize our choreography on top of already hectic and full schedules.

However, when I left on my road trip, I decided that I could only make the best of things and be open to new opportunity. As soon as I changed my attitude, I was pleasantly surprised with the outcome! I remembered WHY I recommended my friend for the open position in my company - he's awesome! And, while I was critiqued all weekend, and physically exhausted after 8 hours of physical training increments, I found myself feeling alive and mentally refreshed! Although I did not have a single day of rest, and was being pushed to my limits (what I thought were my limits), I realized WHY I love what I`m doing! It's not really work to me! I walked away realizing that I would not grow without the criticism and support of those who are better and more experienced then I am. Although I am not where I want to be yet in my career, I am certainly on my way! If I can make it through and perform well now, where will I be when I acheive my next goal?!

This experience is one of many examples in which we all tend to put limits on ourselves, or end up shying away from opportunities that we find ourselves tired or uncomfortable in. You may feel ill prepared or just not confident enough in your abilities to perform. What are you afraid of?! You have worked so hard, and their is a reason why you're being given the opportunity you are!

Whether you feel that you're ready or not, you probably are more ready then you think. The key point to success is confidence! If you are not confident within yourself, then likely no one else will be either. At the training, they had a Zig Ziglar quote hanging on the mirrors of the Group Instruction room at the 24 Hour Fitness I was locked in for the weekend. It was this...

The significance is that no matter what position we find ourselves in, we are never alone! We surround ourselves by others who are better and more advanced then us so that we can be built up and challenged when we feel weak. This not only develops the confidence within us, but also the confidence in the decisions we've made when allowing people to play a special role in our lives.

No one who is successful has become successful alone! Each and every successful person has proven themselves successful in times of challenge and need. I encourage you to get out of your comfort zone and take the step of surrounding yourself with people better then you. You will undoubtedly gain confidence, have support, become more motivated, and most of all be accountable to put your motivated thoughts in to action!

Get challenged! Take action!